I suppose things started going "awry" 2 years ago on my anniversary trip with Marshal. We decided to explore "Polyamory". Polyamory is a relationship style that allows the partners to have multiple loves and partners. It is not just about  sex, it is about love and exponentially growing love with those near to you.  I know it sounds crazy, even I thought it was a bit bizarre... but we were looking...searching for happiness. We each were noticing a lacking in the relationship and were searching for a way to remedy the situation. Unfortunately, that only caused us to turn a blind eye to the damage and the rifts growing in our relationship. I still found comfort with Marshal, as I truly felt that he understood me. But as he mentioned on several occasions we no longer felt like partners. I think that Polyamory is a great option for some, but I don't think Marshal and I did enough research and "work" to make this work for us. 

So here we are 2 years later, and a few outside relationships attempted later... and we found ourselves broken. Broken beyond repair. One of us realized it was broken and wasn't willing to go back to monogamy and the other found monogamy was the way but with another partner. So we decided to go down the path of separation and divorce.  

This caused a rift in my family. This really crushes me... Family is everything to me. I feel most hurt as I never expected some of my family to be so judgmental. On a separate note, my sweet brother Bern is also going through a divorce.  And although we are going through very different challenges, we are able to support and love each other through it. 

And the last thing to cover from this time last year... Char-sey's Annual Trip. Unfortunately divorce is expense and time is limited with Charli planning on going to school in NYC (the kid is working as many shifts as possible to be able to save up for school... I'm so proud of him). Time and Money was just too limiting this year. Here is hoping the kid will be up for it again, this time next year!

So although this past year was not at all what I expected.... I am still incredibly grateful for it. I worked really hard to evaluate who I am and what I want out of life.  Here is my reflection on the intentions I set for myself last year. 

• Prioritize my relationships- Some could say I started the year out strong and went to a bust by the end of it. 

• Prioritize my health over work- Nope... Definitely didn't do that. 

• Work Less, Play More- Yep. I succeeded on that. I have found a friend and a partner that is more than happy to join me on my play and adventures. 

• Accomplish a week long solo hiking trip- I have not successfully done that, but I have lost a signifcant amount of weight and I feel so much more healthy!

• Read 52 books this year- The stress of the year got the better of me and I was about 20 books short 😑

• Focus on approaching all things from a standpoint of love (continuing from last year)- I have continued this mantra, and honestly I feel like I have successfully handled most situations in the most loving way possible. Including interactions with Bern's soon-to-be Ex-wife and the difficult discussions with Marshal. 

• Find a job that will bring me joy again- Yep! Although there are tough days, I truly enjoy the freedom and diversity of my new career path!